It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
