you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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