So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
