no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
