I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
