i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
