people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
