Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
