i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
