I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
