tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
