worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
