Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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