so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
