I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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