why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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