He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
