when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
