HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
