so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
