so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
