There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
