i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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