I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
