he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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