I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
