They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
