I wish life had little blips of pornography
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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