I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
