I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
