mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
