Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
