My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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