she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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