are you still at the devil's house?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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