New low: just hacked my moms facebook
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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