Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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