I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
