Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
