Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I made him laugh his dick is mine
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
