quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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