butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
