I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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