I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
