is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Randomize
