i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
