I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
