$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
