my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
