Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
