I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
