it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
