this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
