Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
